Stay
by GigiLuVe
Summary: Months after he disappeared, her heart is still broken. So determined and so distracted with trying to find Solas, Inquisitor Lavellan is blind to all else. But, when the commander of her army decides to finally reveal his feelings, will she finally be able to accept Solas' absence?
1. Into the Wilds

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Dragon Age series or any of the characters. I just love them. ^.^

 ****There will be spoilers for Dragon Age: Inquisition****

 **Title: Stay**

 **Summary:** Months after he disappeared, her heart is still broken. So determined and so distracted with trying to find Solas, Inquisitor Lavellan is blind to all else. But, when the commander of her army decides to finally reveal his feelings, will she finally be able to accept Solas' absence?

 **Author's Note:** Welcome to my first video game inspired fanfiction! I suck at summaries and titles, so I apologize. Please don't judge me too harshly should I get some places/people mixed up. I love the Dragon Age series and just couldn't get this idea out of my head. I am sure that this has been done before and is super cliché, but nonetheless, I feel the need to write it. Anyway, this is meant to just be a cute little thing that fills the gap between the end of Dragon Age: Inquisition and the Trespasser DLC. Two years are said to have passed, which are generally unknown to you as the inquisitor. So, there will be spoilers of the ending of the game, not necessarily the Trespasser DLC.

I don't expect this to go on for too long. It will probably just end up being a few chapters. However, I always enjoy/welcome feedback and suggestions. Feel free to leave a review. Oh, and prepare for cheese, obviously.

 **Chapter 1 – Into the Wilds**

"Then we'll head there. Maybe this time we'll actually find him."

Josephine sighed, her eyes darting down to the piece of parchment clutched in her hands. She could usually be seen with one these days, scurrying after the Inquisitor, attempting to coerce her into actually following and completing the full schedule that her title and the defeat of Corypheus awarded.

"If you think that's best," Josephine said with regret, "I suppose the meetings with the ambassadors can wait."

The Inquisitor spun toward her advisor, her dark locks bouncing against the top of her shoulders. "We have to find him. We have to find Solas."

It was always her defense, and she knew it. Ever since he had disappeared months ago without a word, she had made it her priority to find him, much to the disagreement of some of her advisors and companions. But, she had to find him. It was no longer for the Inquisition she searched. It was for herself and her broken heart.

They had met in such a whirlwind—the scenes of which flashed before her in the span of a second, causing a pang in her heart.

"I think Josie's only concerned that the ambassadors will grow impatient," Leliana jumped to the rescue. Her eyes darted from Josephine to the Inquisitor. "This will be the third time postponing the meeting, after all."

The Inquisitor sighed. "I'm sorry to keep putting you in this position, Josephine. I'm still not used to the politics of all of this. I trust that you can come up with some excuse to get me out of it."

"Dodging the ambassadors again, I see." The commander of the Inquisition's army ducked into the war room, closing the door behind him. The heavy wood groaned loudly on the old hinges. "I don't think any of us can fault that."

"Thank you for joining us, Cullen," Leliana greeted sarcastically, a small smile on her lips.

"Yes," Josephine agreed. "You have exquisite timing."

Cullen walked up to the large table with the equally enormous map spread out across it. "Sorry I'm late. There was a problem with one of the soldiers. It seems he thought that the celebration of Corypheus' defeat was still going on months after the event."

The Inquisitor smiled. "Good thing we have a capable commander to remind our soldiers that there is still work to be done."

Cullen returned the smile, lingering for just a moment. Then he cleared his throat. It was down to business. "So, what are we making an excuse for?"

"The Inquisitor has decided that it is in the best interest of the Inquisition to head to the Arbor Wilds immediately to search for any sign of Solas," Josephine informed, still crossing off some unknown items on the schedule.

"Well surely your spies, Leliana-" Cullen began, attempting to find another way.

"No," the Inquisitor cut in. "I have to go there."

"Is that really wise?" He had spoken before thinking better of it. Now, he noticed a veil pass over the Inquisitor's soft features. Without her saying a word, he knew that she was shutting down, growing defensive. If he had learned anything while serving the Inquisition, it was that the Inquisitor was stronger than she looked and quite immoveable when wearing that expression. She had possessed something similar when facing down Corypheus. "I mean," he added quickly, "our resources are still limited. It might be more beneficial to wait another month or two."

The Inquisitor shook her head. "It might be too late then. I understand that it might be difficult to spare the people and the supplies needed to go back into the Arbor Wilds. I won't ask anyone to inconvenience themselves for me—for what might be a dead end anyway." She sighed, rubbing her forehead, and moved slowly to the door.

"Inquisitor, there would be a whole slew of people vying to accompany you if you were to just ask," Leliana reassured. "You've done the entire world a great service in defeating Corypheus. You ask for anything and it is yours."

"No, I won't do that. Josephine, I leave the ambassadors in your capable hands. And, Leliana, I need you to continue searching for clues to Solas' whereabouts in case this doesn't lead anywhere. I know that it is an impossible task, since he apparently doesn't want to be found," she winced, "but he has to be out there. I'll go to the Arbor Wilds myself. Don't alert anyone. I don't want to disturb them." With that, the Inquisitor exited the war room.

The room was left in a tense silence for no more than a minute. It was broken by Leliana saying what they all were thinking. "Sometimes it is hard for us to remember that the Inquisitor is just a woman."

"Since the beginning, there's been so much asked of her," Josephine chimed in, "without any thought to whether or not she even wanted this."

"She was never given a choice," Cullen whispered. "She was thrown into this mess. The rest of us volunteered. She's had the fate of the entire world upon her shoulders. The rest of us can claim to understand and want to help alleviate her stress, but none of us can truly know what she has gone through."

Leliana laughed. "Hell, she slept for four days straight after dealing with Corypheus. That should have been indication alone. Let her have this one, but I don't feel comfortable letting her go alone."

"You're right. Josephine and Leliana, do as she requests. Keep the peace. Keep it quiet here," Cullen decided. "I'll go with her personally. She shouldn't have to deal with this alone."

xXx

Tanwen Lavellan ran her fingers through her brunette locks, brushing them up into a ponytail, showing off her pointed ears. She already donned her battlemage mail, which she wore out on each expedition. She didn't necessarily expect trouble, but even she was aware that heading out to the Arbor Wilds by herself wasn't the safest decision.

She turned from the set of drawers, her eyes catching on the open door leading out to the balcony. And, she stopped. Suddenly her haste could wait. She stepped slowly to the doors, lightly touching the frame as she passed through. Outside, the sun peaked through the clouds, casting rays of light upon the earth. But, she was distracted by visions of the past.

 _Solas…_

 _And a kiss. A perfect kiss._

 _But, he had warned her._

 _She had pushed, and he had warned her._

Tanwen scoffed in disbelief.

"Everything alright?"

The voice interrupted her, but perhaps for the best. She pivoted to see Cullen joining her on the balcony.

"I knocked," he said with a shrug.

She smiled and looked away. "He tried to tell me."

The commander leaned next to her. "Solas?"

She nodded. "He tried to tell me right here, actually. 'It would be kinder in the long run,' he had said. But, I was so blind. I just thought that he was scared or shy."

"You had no way of knowing what he would do. None of us did."

"But, if I had listened to him instead of to my heart then all of this could have been avoided."

Cullen grasped her hand comfortingly. "At least you followed your heart. That's not something all of us can claim."

"'All of us'?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow.

He immediately released her hand, cleared his throat uncomfortably, and turned away. "Yes, well, I'm not all regiment and routine. But, we should go investigate this lead of Leliana's."

"Wait, 'we'? You're not coming along," Tanwen insisted.

Cullen smiled. "You honestly think that we would let you go off by yourself? Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me."

His smile was contagious. A grin spread across Tanwen's face.

"Well then, commander, shall we?"


	2. Alive

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Dragon Age series or any of the characters. I just love them. ^.^

 ****There will be spoilers for Dragon Age: Inquisition****

 **Title: Stay**

 **Summary:** Months after he disappeared, her heart is still broken. So determined and so distracted with trying to find Solas, Inquisitor Lavellan is blind to all else. But, when the commander of her army decides to finally reveal his feelings, will she finally be able to accept Solas' absence?

 **Author's Note:** So, I went with Inquisitor Lavellan. She was actually the latest version that I played. I went with the name Tanwen, as well, because I find it quite lovely and fitting. It is a name I have had under my belt for a while now. It means White Fire, I believe, which is pretty cool. I hope everyone likes it. I picked the Arbor Wilds for Cullen and the Inquisitor to venture to because I figured out of all of the locations it was the least investigated. Besides, it has quite beautiful scenery in the game.

Thank you for the reviews and support so far. I really do appreciate it.

 **Chapter 2 - Alive**

Each footstep brought on another memory:

 _The Sentinels protecting their home, their legacy._

 _Morrigan insisting that she partake of the Well of Sorrows. That distrust._

 _Solas fighting alongside of her, discovering their past together…_

 _Yet, his separation from it all._

"Anything yet?" Cullen whispered next to her.

Inquisitor Lavellan didn't have to glance over at him to notice his presence. She could sense him right there beside her. But, she had been so entranced in images of the past, so deeply invested in discovering any remnants of Solas that she had ignored him.

She shook her head. "No, nothing. At least we won't have to worry about the Sentinels. Last time we were here, they had said they would move on. And, I believe them. I don't feel like they still inhabit this forest. They are gone."

"I suppose that's one less thing we have to worry about."

Like the Inquisitor, Cullen had come prepared. He had donned his armor, which he rarely didn't wear anyway, and had strapped on his sword. The Arbor Wilds were much less traversed than any of the other locations they had traveled to. While they could certainly put up a fight, it wasn't known what could happen to them.

"You didn't have to come, Cullen," Tanwen Lavellan said quietly, keeping her gaze away from him.

He scoffed, stepping over some dangerously placed tree roots. "Someone had to look after you. We can't have the Inquisitor succumbing to something as trivial as getting lost in the woods after taking down the biggest threat this world has seen."

Tanwen rolled her eyes. "If that's how capable you see me now, I would have hated to hear what you thought of me before Corypheus."

He chuckled light-heartedly. "That's not what I meant."

She stopped, causing him to stop, too. She sighed, pivoting to face him. "I appreciate you joining me, I really do. But, I should have just come out here alone."

Cullen started toward her. "I didn't mean-"

"I know," she interrupted. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly. The mask she always had to wear was beginning to crack and he was about to witness it. It was evident that there was something deeper happening, something that he had unknowingly drudged up. But, swiftly she turned away, gathering her composure. "I'm sorry, Cullen. I know that you didn't mean anything by what you said."

"I should have known," he stated, stepping forward.

She looked at him and smirked. "So, we are supposed to expect you to be a commander to our soldiers, strong, charming, and now all-knowing? I don't think even Mythal could claim that."

"You give me too much credit, I'm afraid."

"Or perhaps, sometimes, not enough."

"Tanwen," Cullen breathed.

A blush spread across her pale cheeks as he closed the distance. The unknown origin of it caused her heart to race. She attempted to subdue it with more talk, but that only worked against her. "You've done more for the Inquisition than any of us have given you credit for. I suppose the same could be said for Josephine and Leliana, but you…During this," she sighed, "rather trying time you've been ready to help and support me."

"Inquisitor…"

She shook her head. Her cheeks were burning and she couldn't make them stop. "I meant everyone," she corrected. "You have helped support everyone."

"Inquisitor," Cullen repeated, nodding toward something behind her. She just noticed that his amber eyes were fixated beyond her. "Is that the place?"

Tanwen spun around, the moment and her reaction forgotten. She stared off in the direction Cullen had indicated, squinting to determine if it was indeed their destination. Nestled behind a thick layer of trees and hanging vines, which could have gone completely unnoticed, was what appeared to be a stone structure.

She walked toward it, her heart racing for a completely different reason now. In her best imaginings, Solas would be right within these ruins. That possibility made her throw caution to the wind. It made her step with fervor and anticipation.

Cullen placed a hand lightly on her arm when they had reached the hanging vines. "Careful now," he whispered. It was so natural that it seemed like just another impulse.

Listening to her commander, she slowed her pace. She slipped through the vines soundlessly and gracefully. It was actually a bit of a clearing that they then found themselves in. Trees encircled the area where stone ruins of what once must have been a beautiful building had stood.

She silently prepared her staff, in case they should run into an unforeseen obstacle. Cullen already had his sword drawn and at his side. But they were able to close the distance to the ruins without any incident.

"We should check inside," Inquisitor Lavellan said. "If he's here, he'll be inside."

"Let me go first," Cullen insisted.

Following her commander, the Inquisitor stepped through the partially intact doorway. Leaves littered the cracked floor, while moss and vines grew up the dust-covered walls. The farther they ventured inside, the less sunlight reached them.

"Watch your step, Inquisitor," Cullen whispered. "It's impossible to see beyond this point."

"I think I might be able to help with that."

Tanwen opened her left hand, revealing the mark and the bright green glow that emanated from it. It wasn't much, but it certainly gave them something to see by. The room was illuminated. Cullen looked back at her and smirked.

She shrugged. "At least it's good for something."

"Come on."

They walked closer together, so that the light from the mark fell over both of them.

"These mosaics are incredible," Cullen commented. The walls to either side of them were lined with impressive and colorful mosaic designs, which for the most part appeared untouched.

"The ancient elves had the time to perfect their skills in the arts," she said.

"And now?" he asked.

"Now, it seems, the elves have to spend their time trying to survive."

"I'm sorry," he said, looking at her.

"Cullen, don't." She stopped and glared at him. "That pity in your eyes is unwarranted. It would be the same as me judging the entire human race just from you." She paused. "Life with my clan was perfectly ordinary."

Cullen put a hand comfortingly on her shoulder, coming in close. "I meant no offense," he whispered. "In the cities, it's easy to see the hardship that elves live in. It is also easy for people to ignore it." He shook his head, smiling. "It wasn't pity."

Hesitating, he let his fingers linger above her ear for just a second. Then he gently traced it to its point. At his touch, she went rigid. A blush erupted on Tanwen's cheeks. Her first impulse was to jerk away, but she held her ground, entranced and curious.

"You know, you say that your life before, with your clan, was ordinary," he began. "Yet, you are so extraordinary. Everything you do, everything you are part of."

"I suppose I can't take all of the credit," Tanwen breathed, her hand aching where the mark tore into it.

Her heart pounded in her chest. Her face was so warm. She was grateful for the lack of proper lighting so that he couldn't tell just how much she was blushing. She had always been so strong and so steadfast throughout everything. Solas had been the one to get past all of that. He had been her teacher and her companion. Everyone thought of her as their leader, but Solas had been the one who she had relied upon.

When she had first discovered that he had disappeared, she had known that he wouldn't be found. If he didn't want to be, there would be no possibility. Still, she searched for him. She searched even now. After all, that was the whole purpose of why they were out there. He had drawn something out of her, and with his absence, that too had seemed to waver and disappear.

But, what she felt now was…alive.

An echo, stone hitting stone, startled both of them. They peered ahead, into the darkness, waiting. Cullen held up a single finger to his lips, indicating that they should both proceed in silence. With the moment broken, he took the lead with her close in tow, carrying the light. Just ahead of them was a set of stone steps leading down into a black abyss. The noise had come from there. They stopped at the head of the stairs and stared down.

"Stay here," Cullen instructed. "I'll check it out first."

"How are you going to see?"

"It's less about seeing and more about drawing out any danger."

Tanwen scoffed. "Why don't we both inspect it together then?"

"We don't know what could be down there. I'd feel more comfortable if you stayed here until the coast is clear."

"I wish everyone would stop treating me as if I was about to break," she vented. "I'm not fragile. I can take care of myself."

Cullen chuckled. "Goodness you're stubborn. Will you just wait here for a moment? For me, please."

She rolled her eyes, shifted her weight, and got comfortable. She watched him descend into the darkness, until he was consumed altogether. Time seemed to tick by without a word from him. She started to grow impatient and concerned. It was difficult to say how much time had actually passed, but it seemed like an eternity.

"Cullen, what did you find?" she called out, hoping for a response.

Nothing.

"Cullen," she tried again.

Nothing.

"Cullen, I'm coming down," she said, making up her mind. It had been too long and now he wasn't answering her. Her heart raced with the thought that her commander could possibly be in trouble. "Cullen!"

She hurried as fast as she could in the darkness. The dust blanketing the steps made them slick. She was only a couple from the bottom when she lost control of her balance and her feet slid from beneath her. She hurtled toward the ground. Her staff fell out of her hands, clattering against the stone flooring. But, before she managed to hit it, as well, she fell against something much softer.

"It's ok. I'm here," Cullen soothed.

She looked up into his face, finding herself in his arms. He had come out of nowhere and had caught her before she had hit the ground. She righted herself, wrenching herself free from him.

"Why didn't you answer me?" she asked angrily. "I-I thought…" She trailed off and sighed instead.

As a gesture, Cullen picked up the staff off of the ground and handed it back to the Inquisitor. "That noise we heard was just stones settling. It was bound to happen at some point, and it was just a coincidence that it occurred while we were present."

"Well that's a relief," she muttered.

"I felt torches along these walls. You wouldn't mind, would you?"

Inquisitor Lavellan smiled. With a wave of her hand, and the use of elemental fire magic, the sconces burst into light, sufficiently brightening the room. There was broken pottery, stone benches, and defaced statues. And, in the middle of the room were the remnants of a fire and a makeshift bed consisting of leaves and brush.

Her breath caught in her throat as she carefully approached the scene. The embers from the fire were still warm. She could feel the heat barely emanating off of them. The leaves and brush were disturbed, as if just slept on. This was what Leliana had discovered. It was a small camp that had never meant to have been found. But, it wasn't Solas, and it wasn't Solas' work, either. He wouldn't have been so careless.

"Whoever was responsible for this can't be far," Cullen was saying from over her shoulder. "We may be able to pick up a trail."

She shook her head.

"We could still find him," he assured. "Solas has to be out there."

"Cullen, stop!" Her hand was trembling and several tears rolled down her cheeks. She swiftly wiped them away, embarrassed and ashamed. "We aren't going to find him," she said quietly. "It is all too clear now that he doesn't want to be found—not by me, not by anyone. We can't even be sure this was his doing." She shook her head again. "I just feel so embarrassed for putting all of you through this. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize about," Cullen attempted to sooth. But, he received a glare in response.

"This ends today," the Inquisitor declared. "We aren't going to look for Solas anymore."


	3. The Choice

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Dragon Age series or any of the characters. I just love them. ^.^

 ****There will be spoilers for Dragon Age: Inquisition****

 **Title: Stay**

 **Summary:** Months after he disappeared, her heart is still broken. So determined and so distracted with trying to find Solas, Inquisitor Lavellan is blind to all else. But, when the commander of her army decides to finally reveal his feelings, will she finally be able to accept Solas' absence?

 **Author's Note:** So, I took a little liberty with the use of magic. It isn't entirely clear in the game, and I figured I could get away with it. I apologize if it doesn't seem so consistent with the game. This chapter took a lot of writing and rewriting, which took some time. It is here, though! I really wanted everything to be natural and flow nicely. It took some work. But, I couldn't avoid the cheese and fluff and gushiness. I will make sure I clear up anything in the note before the next chapter. I will make sure I explain a couple of the scenes below, too. I just don't want to spoil anything. So, enjoy!

 **Chapter 3 – The Choice**

The sun had disappeared already. The colors in the sky were starting to bleed away with it, ushering in the oncoming night. It was difficult with the surrounding forest to fully witness the sunset, but Tanwen stood within the doorway of the ruins, leaning against the stone, until there were no other colors left in the sky except for a deep blue.

She turned and walked back into the shadows filling the interior of the ruins. As she got further in, she could hear Cullen scuffling along in the lower room, preparing their quarters for the evening. He had made the decision that it was much too late to start off back to Skyhold, which she didn't object to. In fact, she had barely spoken since their discovery of the fire pit and the used bed of leaves.

Though she had declared that they were done searching for Solas, he was all she could think about. When he had disappeared without a word or a trace, she had felt betrayed and hurt. She had berated herself, having thought that perhaps it was her fault for driving him away or at least for not realizing his intentions. Her heart had cracked.

The lit torches provided enough light on the steps to allow for a safe descent. She walked in on Cullen constructing pieces of wood into a flammable sculpture.

"Is that safe?" the Inquisitor whispered, staring down at his progress.

He looked at her, smiling. "With the ceiling open, the smoke should filter up and out. The light won't be noticeable due to the stone built up around it. It worked for our predecessor."

She nodded once, removing herself to take a stroll about the room. "I'll take first watch," she declared, continuing in her route, as if checking the room for any weaknesses.

"I suppose that would be wise. It is still a foreign place, after all." Then Cullen exclaimed, "There we are!" The fire sprang to life. He put down the flint and sheathed the knife.

Standing and turning, he noticed the Inquisitor finish her study of the room and approach the fire. She removed her belt with its baubles and pouches in order to find a comfortable seat during her watch.

"Just a moment," he stopped her. He removed his cloak with its fur collar and draped it over her shoulders. "There is likely to still be a bit of a draft down here."

She raised an eyebrow at the gesture, quizzically.

"It may not make much of a difference, but at least it's something," he told her with a shrug.

She opened her mouth, ready to complain, but at the last moment decided against it. Silently, she took a seat by the fire. It would have been futile to argue with Cullen. He would have insisted. He was much too chivalrous. It was a trait of his that often got on her nerves, but all the same she appreciated the kindness and consideration it revealed in him.

He had a way of distracting her from her worries. The thought of Cullen had completely chased Solas from her mind, offering some relief. Not having to say anything, not that she would anyway, it was as if he knew. And, he had a very discreet way of helping as only he might be able to.

She sighed, poking at the fire with a stray twig. "I don't know if I've ever properly thanked you, Cullen," she said quietly.

"For what?" he asked with a laugh. He walked the perimeter of the room, extinguishing each torch in turn. The light from the fire would be enough to keep them company throughout the night.

"For everything," she breathed. "This whole search for Solas has been nothing but selfishness on my part. I see that now. I knew it wasn't going to yield him since the beginning, but I continued to push people and use up the resources to track him. I have come to terms with the fact that he won't ever be found; and, now I am just ashamed."

"Selfish? I don't think anyone could describe you as selfish. You risked your life for the rest of the world. I think that is the least selfish thing anyone could do. It is understandable that you are able to finally have something all to yourself. And, there's no reason to feel ashamed, ever. We will always be here for you, to help if need be, or just for support."

Cullen loitered by the final torch. He glanced over his shoulder at Tanwen, who was still distracted by the sizzling embers.

"I will be," he whispered.

The final sconce was extinguished, bathing the lower level in shadow, which danced as the flames of the fire flickered and spat. He chose the bench just behind the Inquisitor. He turned to face the wall then started to remove his armor. It wasn't something he'd be able to sleep in. He placed each piece in a pile on the ground. The weapons he placed closer to the head of the bench, where he might be able to brandish them at a moment's notice. He continued this until he was down to his pants and undershirt, the most comfortable items of his outfit.

Tanwen scoffed. "I suppose I will never be able to outrun this Corypheus thing," she stated, listening to the quiet clink of the armor. "I never wanted it." She glanced down at the mark. "It was nothing but an accident on a random person. Truthfully, sometimes I wish it had been anybody else." She glanced over her shoulder. "Now does that make me selfish?"

She blushed, not having realized he was already down to his undershirt. He had one foot on the bench, removing his boot. Going unnoticed, her eyes lingered on his strong back muscles contorting underneath the thin cotton. She knew that his position as commander of the Inquisition's army kept him in good shape, but she had hardly realized what actually lay beneath that armor. She swiftly looked away before he could catch her staring.

"That doesn't make you selfish," he was saying. "That makes you normal. It is easy to forget that you are just a woman. But, you are absolutely correct. That mark could have befallen anybody." He had successfully removed one boot and was working on the other. "It isn't the mark that makes you special, though. You think that the world just sees that, but you're wrong. They see what you can do—what you did do. You are special because of the decisions you've made, the people you've saved, and the woman you are."

At a loss of what to say in response, Tanwen merely cleared her throat and muttered, "Well, get some sleep. You need to be rested for your shift."

Cullen chuckled. "Yes, ma'am." He stretched out on the stone bench, which was just as comfortable as it looked. However, having had to sleep under much worse conditions, and the long day wearing on him, he managed to drift off.

That left the Inquisitor to remain awake by herself.

She spent the first part of her shift grasping her staff close and staring into the fire. She watched the flames lick the air, and her mind wandered. Though she was absolutely certain that it hadn't been the remains of Solas' camp that they had just discovered, she couldn't help wondering if he was passing the evening in a similar situation or environment. She couldn't picture Solas taking up residence in a city or town somewhere. She imagined him adventuring on his own.

The only thing still bothering her was not knowing why he had chosen to leave. Perhaps that had been the reason for her desperation in finding him all along. Apart from her feelings, she sought closure, and that could only be satisfied by locating him and putting him to all of the questions that she had.

She imagined how the scene would play out when, no, if she found him. They would be reunited again, face-to-face. Their feelings would be undeniable, but, even so, they would be unable to express them properly. There would still be tension over the betrayal and that would stand in their way. She hoped he would feel some shame over having had disappeared without a word. She would have lost some faith and some trust in him, unfortunately. She wanted to love him unconditionally, but she didn't know how to. Not after all of this. She was already having doubts about how she truly felt about him. If he had been able to leave so easily, it wasn't impossible that everything she had felt and that they had shared had been a lie.

Tanwen sighed. She stood, leaving her staff behind on the ground. Nothing was coming down those steps. She heard no sounds except for a breeze whistling through the doorway to the ruins. She ripped the string that had held up the ponytail out of her hair, rustling her free locks. She found herself pacing in an attempt to clear her head. It wouldn't do her any good to continue to dwell on what was and what, in her wildest dreams, could be. She had to focus on the here and now.

In the here and now, she stopped, catching sight of Cullen slumbering. There was a man she couldn't picture ever betraying her. Then again, at the time, she couldn't have pictured Solas doing so. And, yet, here they were…

In his sleep, he appeared so peaceful, except for that shiver. He had been absolutely correct about that draft. She removed his cape and laid it gently across her commander. He was on the outskirts of the fire where the coolness from the shadows overpowered the heat from the flames.

She turned from him and headed into the shadows in the back of the room. If only it were as easy to escape from her memories or her thoughts as it was to escape from the glow of the fire. She leaned against the far wall, staring across at the little camp they had made for themselves. In the cold, time seemed to stand still. She didn't even realize how she was affected until she felt her eyelids pressing against her cheeks and her legs growing weak. Her knees buckled underneath her, causing her to fall to the ground, jarring her awake. Her body erupted into spasms, coughs to release the cold from her lungs. But, even with the somewhat alarming reaction, she stood back up on shaky legs and turned into the wall.

She rested her cheek against the cold stone, and waited. With her eyes closed, she felt as if she was becoming one with the rock. She was just another solid piece of ice with no thoughts and no feelings, no history and no future.

"Have you lost your mind?"

The voice echoed distantly at first, recognizable. She felt a small weight upon her shoulders then the whole wall shifting beneath her. No, it wasn't the wall that was moving. It was her.

Her eyelids broke open, such as a crack in a sheet of ice. She glanced up at Cullen and her heart sank. Of course he had to find her and pull her away. Of course he had to be the one to rescue her. Because, that was all she was good for these days: to be rescued.

He placed her gently next to the fire then hurriedly snatched up the last remaining logs to feed to the fire. The flames shot up, blazing brighter and hotter. She stared up at him, pulling the cape he had placed on her shoulders tighter about her frame, staving off the cold.

"Cullen," she whispered, her voice a little hoarse, her throat a little frozen, "how did you-"

"Are you mad?" His voice was rough and scolding. "What the hell do you think you were doing?"

"I-I don't know."

"You could have died!" he went on. "If I hadn't woken when I did, I probably wouldn't have discovered you until the morning! And, who knows what state you would be in if that had happened."

"I-I'm sorry, Cullen. I r-really can't say what-"

"You scared me to death, Tanwen. If you were trying to prove just how selfish you are then congratulations! You obviously don't care-"

"Enough!" she interjected, her voice rising. The room went silent. "I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. It was a relief to not have any memories, any thoughts. In these past few months, I haven't been able to stop. So, I am sorry that I worried you. I really am, Cullen. I never meant to concern you."

Cullen stopped his ranting and sat down next to her with a sigh. "If you hadn't coughed, if I hadn't heard you…You still don't realize just how important you are, do you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Apparently I know all too much. But, maybe being important to the entire world isn't what I want."

"No, you just want to be important to _him_."

Her eyes darted to him, studying him for a second. "No," she revealed quietly, "not anymore. I'm finished with that. I can't continue to be so delusional."

He shook his head, scoffing. "I wasn't referring to your importance to the entire world, Tanwen," he whispered. "That's obvious." He sighed then he changed the topic. "But, you've had a very trying day. You should get some sleep and we can reevaluate our priorities in the morning." He nodded toward the bench he had been using.

Without another word, since she felt guilty enough for everything she was putting him through, Tanwen obeyed and shuffled over to the bench. She lay across it, using the commander's cloak as a blanket and pillow. Instead of closing her eyes, though, she stared at Cullen, who huddled next to the fire, attempting to stave off the chill.

If she had been thinking clearly, she would have packed the appropriate clothing for an overnight stay. But, she had been so distracted by the possibility of finding Solas that she had really given little thought to anything else. And now, her commander was shivering because he was too considerate to use the cape for himself. It was one thing after another that she had to feel bad about.

Here was a man so devoted to the Inquisition. He would do anything for his soldiers. He gave up rest just to help them learn to defend themselves, not only for the cause, but also to save their own lives. He had been so ready to leave the Inquisition if his lyrium addiction had interfered, not for his own sake, but for the safety of everyone around him. Luckily, with her support, she realized, he had been able to overcome it. He had been and still was right by her side to help her through this trying time. She realized that he gave up more pressing matters at Skyhold to accompany her out here in the middle of nowhere to chase a ghost. He was devoted to the Inquisition, yes. But, he was also devoted to her.

She got up and stepped quietly over to him, maintaining silence so as not to be detected. She sat down beside him, throwing part of the cape over his shoulders. He started, looking over at her in curiosity.

"You can't expect me to watch you shiver all night long," she muttered.

He smirked. "No, but you're supposed to be asleep."

Tanwen shook her head. "I'm not tired. I don't think I can get any sleep tonight."

"I suppose I can't fault you there. But, at least take my cape to keep warm."

"Don't be silly, Cullen," she said with a smile. "We can share it. We might be stretching it a bit, but, like you said, at least it's something."

"Here." He scooted right next to her so that they were pressed against each other, allowing the cloak to close closer around them. "That's better."

She was no longer sure if it was the cloak keeping her warm, or even the fire for that matter. She was very aware of the heat emanating off of his body, engulfing her. She stared at him, her cheeks burning. With his face turned to the flames, she could trace his jawline with her eyes. She studied the perfect stubble that lined his cheeks and his jaw. It always seemed to be present. She wondered if he kept it that way on purpose, knowing just how rugged and commanding it made him look. Her eyes darted to his furrowed brow. She could never tell exactly what he was thinking. She could say the same about Solas, but this wasn't Solas.

This was Cullen. Strong, determined, loyal Cullen.

He noticed her, and a blush erupted on his face. "Uh, you're staring," he whispered with a little laugh.

"I am, aren't I?" She smiled bashfully and looked away.

"Was there something on your mind?"

Her heart pounded in her chest. Her stomach fluttered. The reaction seemed sudden and unexpected. "I-I'm not sure," she answered truthfully. "Being here with you, Cullen, it…it's all so confusing."

He turned toward her. It didn't seem possible that he could come any closer, but somehow he made it happen. His heart was racing, as well. He could hardly think with the moment driving him. "What's so confusing?" he breathed.

Noticing his closer proximity, she turned her head toward him, studying his eyes. She found such sincerity and warmth, but she didn't know if hers held the same. She brought a hand tentatively up, lingering just above his cheek. Bringing it down, feeling his skin beneath hers, sent her stomach into a frenzy. "This," she whispered.

It was hard to say what happened next, or what had compelled her. But, something took over. Tanwen found her lips locked onto Cullen's and her body thrown on top of his. The cloak was forgotten beneath them. It was clear that she had knocked him off balance when she had lunged into him, unable to resist any longer.

Despite having taken him a bit by surprise, it was clear that he was kissing her in return. In fact, Cullen had his arms wrapped around her, pulling her against him. And, she was completely lost in the moment. What seemed to have started with her was now being controlled by him. They rolled over as one, placing Tanwen on the ground.

"W-Wait," she gasped, catching her breath.

Cullen lifted off of her. Her expression morphed into one of pain. She stretched a hand beneath her back and, with a little bit of effort, extracted a small pointy stone. She held it up, studying it, and then tossed it across the floor.

"It felt like a much bigger stone than that, trust me." She chuckled.

Smiling, Cullen brushed some hair out of her eyes, bringing the reality of the moment to the forefront. "What's going on here, Tanwen?"

"What do you mean?"

"I-Is this real?" he asked. "I mean, are you actually here with me?"

"Of course," she said quietly. "I'm right here, Cullen." She stretched her hand up and placed it comfortingly on his cheek, which he quickly encompassed with his own.

"I want to believe you," he whispered desperately. "I want to believe you so much. Ever since you emerged from the ashes of Haven, I knew. It always seems to take a life or death situation to really reveal one's feelings."

She blinked a couple of times, wrapping her head around this information. "You've felt this way since the fall of Haven?"

"It had started as adoration, a crush. But, is it impossible to believe that I love you? It doesn't matter if you feel the same about me. I know you are in a delicate position right now. I've come this far by your side without giving in to temptation. Please believe me when I say that I will still be by your side no matter what you choose."

"What I choose," she repeated, studying his eyes. There was a hint of doubt in her mind—the same part that was still clinging to Solas. All of those questions continued to plague her, despite trying her hardest to quell them. It was simple enough to say that she was done, but convincing herself took much more work.

She believed every word that Cullen said. She believed that he would be able to return to his duties, even after this moment. If she backed away now, there would be some tension, most likely on her part, but they would get through it. And, if she continued forward with this, there was no telling what would happen. Cullen would still return to his duties and she to hers. There would still be some awkwardness, as occurred with a new relationship, but they would be able to lean on each other. It would be something true and real.

It was difficult to say if she could give her everything to Cullen. There would always be a part of her searching for Solas, searching for answers. But, Cullen was a patient and considerate man. He understood even when very little was spoken. He had waited since Haven. She wondered if he would have waited forever or if he would have moved on. She didn't want to imagine him with someone else. She wanted to give her all to Cullen.

"I want this," she breathed, "and I will try my hardest for you." Tanwen smiled, a warm yet sad gesture. "I choose you, Cullen."

He ran his fingers through her hair, staring down at her a moment longer. Then he lowered himself back down on top of her, and his lips easily found hers.


	4. Perspective

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Dragon Age series or any of the characters. I just love them. ^.^

 ****There will be spoilers for Dragon Age: Inquisition****

 **Title: Stay**

 **Summary:** Months after he disappeared, her heart is still broken. So determined and so distracted with trying to find Solas, Inquisitor Lavellan is blind to all else. But, when the commander of her army decides to finally reveal his feelings, will she finally be able to accept Solas' absence?

 **Author's Note:** Alrighty! So I know that the last chapter seemed awkward and kind of sudden. I suppose that was what I was going for. For Cullen, the feelings have been building up a long time and with everything slowing down, in a way, possibilities seem a bit more possible. :D

At the wall, the Inquisitor was just looking to be relieved of some memories and thoughts on Solas. Since his departure, she has been plagued by thoughts of him—relentlessly plagued. So, just some relief. Onto Cullen. It isn't that she just suddenly doesn't care about Solas anymore. But, he left so suddenly that there are so many ideas and thoughts flying through her head. She basically sees it as a betrayal. And, Cullen is stepping up and basically proving just how much he cares for her by just being available and honest and loyal.

Since he is and always will be there for her, she wants to be all in for him. I hope that makes sense and stuff. :/

 **Chapter 4 – Perspective**

"And then what happened?"

Tanwen shot Dorian Pavus, her mage companion, a scolding glance. "Nothing," she assured. She rolled her eyes and sighed, exhausted, confused. "I would appreciate it if this didn't get around, Dorian. Cullen would appreciate it. I'm just…I just need some advice, I suppose."

It had been a day since they had returned. Cullen had picked up his duties again, as if he had never left, and she…well, she had been swamped as soon as she had stepped back onto the premises of Skyhold, but her mind had always been elsewhere. She had finally gotten the chance to step away and seek some friendly advice.

Dorian had responded like an excited child, but she wouldn't have preferred anyone else. She didn't know if anyone else would understand. Hell, she hadn't been completely sure he would. But, the reality of that last night in the Arbor Wilds forced her to seek out a friend to confide in. She could have stayed with Cullen in those ruins without a second thought. It was only when they had returned that the doubts began to plague her.

"I thought that I could just forget about Solas. I thought it would be easy with what he's done," she explained. She shook her head, guilt rising in her. "I thought that I could replace him with Cullen."

She felt a comforting hand on her shoulder, but refused to look up. She felt horrible saying that, but she wondered if it was true. After all, she had told Cullen that she would give him all of her, undivided. He deserved that. So, the reemergence of Solas in her thoughts made her uneasy.

"You don't get to forget so easily," Dorian purred. "In fact, you never will."

The Inquisitor furrowed her brow. "Do you have to say it like that?"

"Unfortunately, I do. It's the only way. Besides, if you wanted to hear just comforting words, you would have gone to Cassandra."

She shook her head. "I suppose."

"Listen," Dorian said, grabbing up her hands and warming them between his, "everyone says that you'll get over it and forget it with time. That's not true. You will never be able to forget, Tanwen, and you don't want to. It is going to be confusing for a while. You are going to feel awful and hurt, but eventually it will subside. Eventually things will clear."

"It isn't fair," she responded. "I don't care if I have to live with it, but it isn't fair for Cullen. He doesn't deserve to be lied to…to-to not be really, truly…" She trailed off, her thoughts somewhere else.

And, silence invaded for a moment.

It was a chance for Dorian to study her, while she was preoccupied. "Do you really believe that you simply tried to replace Solas with Cullen—that you were or are using Cullen to help you fill a void?"

Her eyes darted to him. "What other explanation could there be, Dorian? That last night was, well, it was unexpected, but good, I think. But all of a sudden there's Solas."

"Let me pose this to you, Inquisitor: take Solas out of all of this. I know it is hard, but let's pretend that he isn't involved. What is Cullen to you? Who is he to you?"

"What do you mean? He's…" she shrugged, "he's the commander of our forces."

She saw the expression on Dorian's face change. It was difficult to completely remove Solas. He always had a presence in her mind, whether she was aware of it or not. She had been so distracted with trying to locate him the past few months that she had never stepped back and asked herself how she felt about him now. It scared her to think of what the answer might be. And, with Cullen in the mix now, it was even more difficult to identify what she was feeling and for whom.

"Ok, ok," she said, "I know you didn't mean it like that." She sighed. "Cullen. Who and what is Cullen? Cullen…to me Cullen is…" She trailed off again. She stared off, really considering this. It wasn't easy to come up with an answer, but as she thought on it, a smile came to her lips. Her cheeks grew rosy.

"I knew it!" Dorian exclaimed after a minute, startling Tanwen.

She stared at him, wide-eyed. "What? You knew what?"

"You don't need to verbally confirm it. Your reaction is answer enough."

"My reaction? Dorian, what-"

"You care much more deeply for our commander than perhaps you realize. You are so concerned about lying to him and hurting him. Hell, you may even be worried that what you are doing is actually a betrayal to Solas. But, he gave up any loyalty from you when he left, Tanwen. You just need to be confident in your feelings. You aren't going to disappoint Cullen. Your feelings are true. Trust me."

"How can you know so clearly when I am so confused about my own feelings?"

"Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to shine a light on the situation," Dorian explained quietly.

The Inquisitor sighed, soaking everything in as silence invaded once again. Then, she smiled. It was small, delicate, but there was warmth behind it.

"So, what should I do now?" she asked.

"I don't think I need to tell you," Dorian said. "I think you already know."

"Is it too soon, though? Is all of this too fast? I know that Cullen's been sure for a while, but I'm just recognizing my feelings. What if I'm not ready?"

"Cullen is a good man. It's obvious that he really cares about you."

"Obvious? D-Do other people know?" She was a little alarmed, since she had thought that it had all been a secret.

"Maybe not everyone," Dorian answered with a smirk, "but some, yes. He's been patient so far. He isn't going to mess this up. He will be considerate and understanding of you. I think he will be just what you need at a time like this."

Tanwen stood, preparing to go. "I should have enlisted you as an advisor, Dorian. You're wiser than any of us have given you credit for."

"Beauty and brains," he drawled. "I suppose some people can have it all."


	5. Stay

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Dragon Age series or any of the characters. I just love them. ^.^

 ****There will be spoilers for Dragon Age: Inquisition****

 **Title: Stay**

 **Summary:** Months after he disappeared, her heart is still broken. So determined and so distracted with trying to find Solas, Inquisitor Lavellan is blind to all else. But, when the commander of her army decides to finally reveal his feelings, will she finally be able to accept Solas' absence?

 **Author's Note:** I chose Dorian as the one the Inquisitor confided in just because I loved their exchange throughout the game. I also figured he would be very straightforward with her rather than some of the other companions.

This will be the final chapter. I didn't want to drag this out for too long, and this seems like a good place to stop. I want to thank everyone for joining in on this little venture of mine. I hope this story wrapped up sufficiently for everyone. I enjoyed writing it and I hope that you all enjoyed reading it. ^.^

 **Chapter 5 – Stay**

"And now he wants us, no, expects us to send aid," Cullen interrupted.

The messenger appeared unaltered. "Yes, sir."

Cullen sighed, planting his hands firmly on his desk and staring straight down at the letter. A gentle rap came upon the door before it opened on them. Glancing up at the intrusion, he saw the Inquisitor hesitantly peeking into the room.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she gasped. "I didn't realize you were busy."

"No, please," he said quickly before she could disappear. "Stay. We were just about done here." He picked up the parchment and handed it back to the messenger. "Tell him that we will send troops to assist in the reconstruction. Bring it here for my signature before you send it."

The messenger nodded then left the room.

"Busy as usual, I see," Tanwen commented, stepping further into the room.

Cullen smiled. "You would think that there'd be less work with the crisis averted. But," he came out from behind the desk and moved in closer to her, "I'm never too busy for this."

Tanwen held out a hand, stopping Cullen about a foot in front of her. Her hand rested on the breastplate of his armor, the metal cool beneath her palm. Being in Cullen's presence was intoxicating, and she was nervous that she wouldn't be able to say all that she had planned to say to him.

"Cullen, there's something we must talk about before this goes any further." She was impressed that she had managed to get that all out in one breath and without faltering.

Noting the seriousness in her tone, he immediately sobered and adopted a much more professional air. "Of course, Inquisitor."

She shook her head, laughing. "Don't call me that. I think we are both well beyond any formal titles now."

"Are we?" he asked, searching her eyes. "Because, if you must know, I am quite nervous that you're about to tell me that that is as far as our relationship can go."

She smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. "There's no need to overreact. You haven't even heard me out yet. I had to seek out some advice to clear my head and set certain emotions straight."

"It was a talk about us, I presume?"

"Don't worry. Dorian won't tell anybody."

"You got advice from Dorian?" he asked, startled. "Do you really think that was wise?"

She shrugged. "He was actually quite helpful. Besides, he didn't seem surprised when I told him about what had happened between us."

Cullen's cheeks turned pink, and he pivoted away from her. Despite exuding confidence in combat and anything military related, he was really quite shy with his personal life. It was something that she had discovered with time. It was easy to misjudge him, but the truth was much more precious.

"I know you prefer it be kept secret," she continued, "so, I apologize that I didn't talk with you before seeking him out. But, you have to understand how confusing this is for me."

"I would never make you do anything that you don't want to do, Tanwen," he said quietly, appearing hurt. "I would never try to take advantage of your position or your heart."

"Cullen," she breathed, "I never meant to imply-"

"I know," he interrupted. "I didn't 'mean…" He sighed. "I want you to know that I respect you and your feelings. I know that you were caught off guard that night in the Wilds. I never would have acted if I had thought that you weren't aware of what you were doing. I see now that that was my fault. No matter what, even if it isn't in my best interest, I'll always respect you and your decisions, Tanwen."

Tanwen closed the distance between them and placed her hand gently, comfortingly upon his cheek. "Cullen." His hand covered hers, keeping it in place against his warm skin. He stared into her eyes, longingly and sadly. She tried to offer a small smile as some solace, but it didn't appear to work. "Come with me."

Taking his hand in hers, she led him out the door and onto the ramparts. The sun was at an angle in the sky, as it was late afternoon. They had this section of the wall to themselves. The people of Skyhold were going about their typical afternoon routines, which kept them busy in the courtyard below. Though there was rarely ever a private moment, they seemed fortunate to be alone.

The Inquisitor inhaled deeply. Her heart was starting to flutter, so she turned her gaze toward the blue sky and mountainous scenery surrounding Skyhold. "I meant everything I had said that last night in the Arbor Wilds. I want you to know that, Cullen."

"I never thought you had lied to me," he confessed lowly.

"And I never will." She scoffed. "Well, I never want to. That's why I am here now. I was quite happy in the Arbor Wilds. I could have stayed there forever with you. I would have. But, unfortunately, that isn't the way of things. It was on our journey back and stepping through Skyhold's gates that caused me to reflect on everything that had happened."

Cullen sighed. "If only it had been possible to stay."

Tanwen smiled, understandingly. "I had so many different emotions and I couldn't pinpoint what they were or who they were for. Solas…" She trailed off, pausing. Then, taking a deep breath, she continued. "It is impossible for me to dismiss Solas. And, to be honest, I wouldn't want to. Dorian made me realize that. It's our pasts that shape us, help us grow. Solas was a comfort for me in a very confusing and terrible time."

"Yes," he murmured, turning away, "he had found his way right by your side."

"But," she said as she slowly walked up to him, setting a hand gently on his shoulder, "it could have just as easily been you, Cullen."

He pivoted around and looked her in the eye. She wore a small smile, knowing that he hadn't expected her to say that. Yet, she was very sincere in her words.

"You were always there, too. You were a concerned ear when I needed someone to listen. You were always ready with sound advice. You comforted me in some pretty dark hours, made me laugh, made me smile. But, do you know the difference with you?"

He shrugged, shaking his head. It was more of a rhetorical question anyway, but the pause made the anticipation grow. She brought her hand back up to his cheek, so he would have no other choice but to look at her and believe her.

"You stayed, Cullen."

He turned his face into her palm and kissed it, overcome with the emotion invested in the conversation. "Of course I did," he whispered. "How would I ever be able to leave you?"

"Solas managed to," Tanwen answered. "I can only conclude that whatever took him away was of great importance. But, I can't keep chasing a ghost just for answers. I want to enjoy what is here and now."

Cullen wrapped his arms around her, and he pulled her in close. He stared into her eyes, finding all that he had ever dreamed of. At first, the feelings he had for her had just been a fancy of his—a crush. If it had been fleeting, it would have been like any other. But they had persisted with each trial she had faced, every time she had had to prove herself. Every difficult decision she had had to make drew him in farther. As her personality, heart, and quirks were revealed, he fell deeper.

And now, she was here with him, just as he always imagined.

"Listen," he said, "I know that you are still coping with Solas' decision, even though we both know he made the wrong one." She laughed with him. "Everything I said before still applies, Tanwen. I understand that Solas is still in your heart, and I accept that. I am not going to try to replace him. If this is to continue between us, all I ask is for your love."

"You have it," she breathed. "You may have always had it, Cullen."

He sighed, smiling. "Then, I am at your command."

"The only thing I want, Cullen," she drawled, grinning blissfully, "is for you to stay with me."


End file.
